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I'm through with these pills that make me sit still .

Apr. 22nd, 2011 | 11:51 pm
location: Marko's House .
mood: amusedamused
music: Buzzcocks .

All I hear in my mind is the song What Do I Get ? by The Buzzcocks .
Just like a fucking broken record .
I finally have a new laptop with all the keys in , I've left my little Sony Vaio behind .
I've decided to change completely for the one person I love .
He means the entire world to me and has changed my life in so many ways , it would take me an eternity for me to list them all down .
Whatever I did to deserve him ?
I don't know , I wonder too , but I don't care I have him and he has me .
That's not going to change for a very long time .
That means forever .
I've been so busy to update this thing I almost forgot about it , It's been years since I even started blogging .
I always want to quit but who the fuck am I going to vent to ?
Do you ever wish you had a time machine ?
I certainty do .



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Don't know what I want but I know how to get it .

Mar. 9th, 2011 | 01:25 pm
location: Marko's House .
mood: aggravatedaggravated
music: Foo Fighters .

I 'm beyond stressed out since I've been on a leave from school for the past 20 fuckin' years .
I'm trying to catch up with work at home but I find it really hard to do so .
Don't know if that's gonna end up happening , crossing my fingers .
My mind is filled with random retarded thoughts that don't even deserve to come in touch with my brain .
I make everything an issue and I certainly don't like that very much .
I've come to the terms of fact that I am a bitch , but I like it that way .
I much rather be a bitch than an idiot , being an idiot is a lot worse I sure as hell can guarantee that .
I feel like I wake up in a bad mood every single day , May be true may be false but I hate the feeling anyway .
I've become a disgusting lazy bitch .
Make up and hair should be done more than 2 times a week . 
I need to get back into my routine .



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Holding on to something that we know we can not hold or fold it seems we just can't forget .

Dec. 29th, 2010 | 01:46 pm
location: Marko's House .
mood: sicksick
music: Plushgun .

Haven't wrote on this in forever .
I'm just not that much into the blogging scene anymore .
I was into it for years , I guess I can always make it a habit again .
I feel like I've turned into the worst speller in the world .
And anybody with shitty grammar is an instant no go for me .
I don't know why bad grammar is such an issue with me , it just bugs me that people can't even spell now a days .
As of right now I feel a little like shit , or maybe a lot .
I guess it could always be worse .
My throat was killing me 2 nights ago and I basically loaded my body with antibiotics .
The whole putting periods at the end of everything habit is still going on and on .
I don't know why , I just always tend to put that little dot at the end of everything .
I just got the Deluxe Annual Pass for Disneyland again .
I can never get tired of that place .
Mr. Walter Elias Disney , you are truly a fucking inspiration .



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Especially big eared people , they pay close attention .

Oct. 6th, 2010 | 03:38 am
location: Bedroom .
mood: curiouscurious
music: J.J Fad

Meant to update this sooner and never got to it .
Reading my old entries is such a trip .
Everything is so different now .
It's insane .
The lights at school deffinately make people look like complete shit .
I'm so trauamatized now , I've developed low self esteem .
I wish there wasn't a mirror infront of my face for 5 fucking hours .
Especially with horrible lighting .
It makes me look like a character off the Simpsons , I hate it so much .
I am in need of new clothes .
I want band tees !
Mostly .
I'm trying to be a very organized person .
I'm doing a good job at that at school but at home my room is a fuckin' disaster .
I never wish bad things on people , even if they hate me I can never .
Unless I truly want to kill you myself , then in that case fuck you and make of your life whatever the fuck you want .
I wish I could get tired earlier .
I'm sick of not being able to sleep and these bags are in no way fucking flattering .
Round layers are a must I will be getting .
One lenght hair is super boring , I need change in my life in every possible way .
I can't wait till I move houses , nothing better than a brand new room .
I want all my headbands I made with Melissa .
I don't know where the fuck they are :(
I hope they're still around .

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Your leather jacket lies in sticky pools of cider blackberry .

Sep. 29th, 2010 | 02:50 am
location: Bedroom .
mood: awake
music: Franz Ferdinand .

School is taking a toll on me .
Lately , I haven't had time for anything .
Nothing is like before .
Work , work , work .
Fucked up hands .
Cuts here , burn there .
Not very exciting anymore , I try to make the best of it .
Paying $22,000 to be treated like shit , nothing better .
Teachers there need some patience , someone call Hitler , we must throw in a couple of shitheads in that damn oven .
Clients going in expecting more than we can offer at a damn school .
6 months and still can't say I understand 10 % of the shit they "teach" us .
Being at a hair school , your hair becomes something you're constantly wanting to change .
Color , cut , or style .
Disaster .
My head is giving me a hard ass time , what to do , what to do .
My habit of sleeping past 3 am continues .
Wish it wasn't that way .
Waking up at 1 pm everyday doesn't really suit me , sleeping pills is what I need .
I need change in my life .
I wanna move , start all over .
Thoughts come and haunt me , It's a daily thing .

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I wanna be sedated.

Jul. 6th, 2010 | 02:49 am
location: Bedroom.
mood: complacentcomplacent
music: Ramones.

I've been one busy mutherfuckin' bee.
I don't have time for anything or anyone except my baby.
Almost 9 months with him & wouldn't have it any other way.
Updates will return, hopefully.

Goodnight.


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I've never been perfect, but neither have you.

May. 18th, 2010 | 01:30 am
location: Bedroom.
mood: crushedcrushed
music: Bikini Kill.

Dont resent me, and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memories, leave out all the rest.
I can't be who you want.
I'm trying and I beat myself up for everytime I make you mad.
I say I'm gonna change all the time but it never happends.
I would be frustrated with myself as well.
Please don't loose patience with me, please don't leave me.



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Because everybody's changing and I don't feel right.

Apr. 30th, 2010 | 12:36 am
location: Bedroom.
mood: tiredtired
music: Keane.

So,
Ever since my last post I have started beauty school at Paul Mitchell in Downtown San Diego, as I planned.
I haven't wrote on this in about a decade and a half but im starting to realize that I don't really have time for many things like I used to when I used to just sit on my ass with no school and nothing to do.
Things have changed, people have changed, my life has changed, I guess everything changes at one point or another and sometimes the change is so drastic that you don't really know how to accept it, all you can do is swallow away and deal with it.
Other times the change is whatever, almost unnoticeable and you don't even realize something has changed until a week, a month, or maybe even a year has passed you by.
I can't say I am completely disspointed with the changes although they have been pretty drastic but I've just learned to enjoy the changes in my life, at least for now. They've been good changes. No bad ones and I hope and pray it stays this was because I have been around negativity for SO long, this actually feels nice for a change. Yay me.
I picked night school so I go from 5pm to 10pm, Mondays - Thursdays, I come home completely hungry and completely tired.
That's a huge change that I am not hating at this moment.
Boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now :] I am so glad about it, he makes me happy, I make him happy, we make eachother happy, he is perfect, I love him to freakin' death and back. Wouldn't trade him for ANYTHING in this world.
My little butthum <3

COLOR BAR, PAUL MITCHELL THE SCHOOL SAN DIEGO Pictures, Images and Photos

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I don't have to try because I know where you're at.

Mar. 25th, 2010 | 09:45 pm
location: Bedroom.
mood: sadsad
music: Nothing.

I haven't updated in forever.
Livejournal is not my top priority as you can tell.
Tomorrow I'll be a busy busy bee.
I have to get up early to take care of my little sister.
Take a shower, do hair, make-up, and go to the Paul Mitchell School in Downtown SD to sign the contract.
Alex told me I'll be there for about 2 hours and I am completely not in the mood for that.
But oh well, I gotta deal with it.
Tomorrow baby gets spring break and hopefully I'll be headed out to his house in the evening.
There's no one I'd rather be with right now than with him.
I've been an emotional train wreck lately, I don't know what has gotten in to me but hopefully it's just temporary.
Aside from the fact that almost everything in my life is fucked up, there's still that little part that's perfect.
I love my boyfriend, but I'm sure you knew that already.



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You'll close your eyes and see me.

Mar. 15th, 2010 | 12:19 am
location: Bedroom.
mood: depresseddepressed
music: Richard Hawley.

Why do I always find myself awake at night at 3 am?
The thought of him is what keeps me awake & it's not like its annoying or anything.
This thought is something I enjoy more than anything.
I don't care if next day I feel like shit, or maybe even worser.
He gives me a feeling that I've never had before and I pray & hope it never ends.
I can proudly say that I'm whipped & I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about it.
Theres no one I would rather have being mine.
He is everything I ever wanted..he exceeds it all.
I am completely insane about him.
I think about him all day every day.
The first thing I think about when I wake up & the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.
Sometimes i just sit & I wonder how the hell am I so lucky to have him love me the way he does.
Sometimes I think I may be taking him for granted because that's the way I come off.. sometimes & It's not like I'm gonna sit here and say I'm perfect to him because I'd be lying.
I admire him & love him for having the guts to put up with me because I am a disaster and a half.
I am completely in love with him, he takes my entire breath away, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with  him.
<3
I find myself staring at his pictures at least 3 times a day, It's just become a must in my life to do so.
My eyes water sometimes I think about him & the way that he makes me feel, it can't get any better than him.
Thinking back and seeing the way he put up with me and didn't loose his head that day my heart nearly stopped from all the alcohol mixtures I had consumed that night really showed me how much he loves me and cares about me. I am one of those drunk who is just completely stubborn but he manged to deal with my stubborn ass so well.
I love him for so many reason that It would be impossible to just name them all here.
He has made my life so much better & I promise I will NEVER let go of him. I need him more than anything in this world.
As obsessing as that sounds you would only understand me if you have ever been in love or have ever felt like this towards another person.
Every falling out we've ever had is because of me & when I think back I realize how much of an idiot I am for treating him like that.
I promise everytime I will never argue with him again & that I will make everything go back to the way it was when we bearly started dating.
After today, I solemnly swear I will make him the happiest boy in the face of this planet because he deserves that & so much more.
He's my baby, mi amor, my everything.
I will forever and ever love this kid more than anything.

My heart is yours always & forever.

Peter & Katherine <3
101909 - Forever & ever.


 


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